1- Yummers
2- Carbs are the devil
3- Only carbs acceptable are from wine.
Now, Rule no.1 and 2 conflict, because I love carbs, I am carb binge eater. I don't crave ice creams and chocolates; I crave burgers, and biryani, chicken wraps and sammiches smothered in sauces and spices.
The worst is pastries; breads and pies. I can stay away from those; blame it on four years in a boarding school that had bread as its staple AND luxury..where your popularity was determined by how much bread you can buy. urgh. bread. urgggh.
After highschool, I did not touch bread or buns for years! i would buy a burger and get rid of the bun.
But, sometimes, I want to eat a full sandwich!
I want to have jam n butter on good days,
I want to have toast at midnight whilst watching trash tv without doing crunches afterwards. and if there is something I hate more than carbs....oooooh...its crunches.
So I looked around for a low calorie bread recipe ....not so hard to find seeing as its the age of thighgaps and bubble butts.
So I assembled my tools, with a big glass of wine ofcourse. If I was going to do this carb thing, It was all or nothing, in or out..haha..I should also put it out there that by the time I had mastered the courage to do this, I was well in my 2nd glass of wine.
So..I used wholemeal flour because white is just...come on..white. Like,no.
And the best thing about it is i used only flour and two tablespoons of veggy oil.
So then I set off...
dun dun duuuunn
when it got to the water bit...it got..messy, sticky, squishy, and just uncomfortable, like your first time. boom!
and I got a bit scared here! like...this wasn't meant to happen! stupid carbs won't even make right!
and no matter how much I attempted to knead this mess, my fingers would just dissappear into the sticky warmth with squishes..abit sapphic to be honest. haha..i have to stop with the innuendos.
At this point I had given up! wasted perfectly good flour that had absolutely not be on the shelf for a few months and I couldn't touch my wine glass because, sticky fingers.
But like I said, you are either in or out, do or die, go hard or go home ( check out this song by Laikkah. forgot the name, amazing lyrics, quite talented this one) so I forged on...because...hard, or home n such..
and so I placed my gooey mess in an oiled dish and covered it with a damp kitchen towel, washed my hands and guzzled from my glass. I deserved it!
An hour later, I peeked at the...thing..and MIRACLES!! IT HAS RISEN!
Now, I watched my aunty make scones and this is the point she would punch it...so i fisted the gooey mess (bam) and it was..messy. blah.
At this point I was fed up! so I took out my loaf tin, greased it, and dumped the goo in there. let it rise...and dumped it in the oven as I took a wine and cigarette break.
One thing I HATED about bread making is the waiting! Good Lord, how did early man do it? they had absolutely nothing to distract and entertain them as they waited for bread to rise for an hour, cook for 40 minutes, then cool for two hours!
And if its a breakfast meal...I am not waking up at 3 so the family has fresh bread for breakfast!
We will stick to cookies.
...the bread turned out amazing, and it went well with my tomato basil soup.
PICTURES!
TA-TA,
Lola
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